Those who know me the best, know that I tend to re-affirm my thoughts and ideas by talking out loud about them. On a recent such conversation with someone very dear to me, I was presented with a hypothetical scenario: Mr. X gets to know a girl who fits the three criteria mentioned in my previous blog titled 'So who is the right one for you', perhaps not perfectly, but well enough that marriage is a real possibility (Mr. X is ofcourse dating this girl). He then meets another girl who fits the three criteria better. Should Mr. X break up with girl A for the new girl B?
From a logical perspective the answer to this question is an obvious, and possibly glaring, yes. However, fortunately (or unfortunately, I shall let my audience decide) logic plays little role in a relationship. Feelings are not rational; the crash of the Dow in 2008, and religious fanaticism are just two of numerous examples. Therefore, when love, or any feelings are added into the scenario, the 'logical' answer to the aforementioned scenario becomes an absolute no-brainer: no!
But feelings aside, from a purely logical perspective I believe this scenario reminds me of a story I read a few years ago. A young man once asked an elder what the logical difference between dating and a serious relationship is. The elder asks the young man to go out into an open corn field to find the juiciest cob in the field. The elder also says that the search could run into hours, days, possibly months if required. The young man wanders in the field and spends the whole day searching for the best crop. He returns empty handed in the evening to the elder, who questions him about the cob. The young man replies that everytime he thought he found the best cob, he decided to spend some more time looking and sure enough he found a better cob till it was too dark to keep searching. The young man also requests permission to resume his search the next day. The elder smiles and asks the young man to now go into a different corn field and look for the best cob, but he must present a cob at the end of 3 hours of searching. The young man, puzzled by the request, obliges nonetheless and ventures into another corn field and returns with cob that, while not the best, is juicy enough to be roasted, buttered eaten. The elder then smiles and says that is the difference between dating and marriage: In dating an individual is in the quest for perfection and keeps searching for a mate who is more perfect than the last one. In a serious relationship (when considering 3 hours to be a proportionate life span of an individual), an individual finds a mate who matches his/ her requirements / criteria to a reasonable extent, stops looking and adjusts to make the relationship work.
I believe this fable is quintessential to understanding that life is not perfect and that compromises have to be made, not just in the realm of relationships, but in any area. An individual who understands this 'win some, lose some' statement will possibly lead a calmer, less stressful life... right?
From a logical perspective the answer to this question is an obvious, and possibly glaring, yes. However, fortunately (or unfortunately, I shall let my audience decide) logic plays little role in a relationship. Feelings are not rational; the crash of the Dow in 2008, and religious fanaticism are just two of numerous examples. Therefore, when love, or any feelings are added into the scenario, the 'logical' answer to the aforementioned scenario becomes an absolute no-brainer: no!
But feelings aside, from a purely logical perspective I believe this scenario reminds me of a story I read a few years ago. A young man once asked an elder what the logical difference between dating and a serious relationship is. The elder asks the young man to go out into an open corn field to find the juiciest cob in the field. The elder also says that the search could run into hours, days, possibly months if required. The young man wanders in the field and spends the whole day searching for the best crop. He returns empty handed in the evening to the elder, who questions him about the cob. The young man replies that everytime he thought he found the best cob, he decided to spend some more time looking and sure enough he found a better cob till it was too dark to keep searching. The young man also requests permission to resume his search the next day. The elder smiles and asks the young man to now go into a different corn field and look for the best cob, but he must present a cob at the end of 3 hours of searching. The young man, puzzled by the request, obliges nonetheless and ventures into another corn field and returns with cob that, while not the best, is juicy enough to be roasted, buttered eaten. The elder then smiles and says that is the difference between dating and marriage: In dating an individual is in the quest for perfection and keeps searching for a mate who is more perfect than the last one. In a serious relationship (when considering 3 hours to be a proportionate life span of an individual), an individual finds a mate who matches his/ her requirements / criteria to a reasonable extent, stops looking and adjusts to make the relationship work.
I believe this fable is quintessential to understanding that life is not perfect and that compromises have to be made, not just in the realm of relationships, but in any area. An individual who understands this 'win some, lose some' statement will possibly lead a calmer, less stressful life... right?
No comments:
Post a Comment